I once knew a 'vegetarian' who ate duck. (Now, this isn't like one of those faux vegetarians who eat fish, and go around leading everyone to believe that some vegetarians eat fish. I hate those people. You don't get to change the definition of vegetarian just because you feel like using the label.) He was a health-food devotee who found that, on a daily basis, eating vegetarian was the best way to stay healthy. However, since it wasn't an ethical decision, he made exceptions on rare occasions, especially to try something he has never eaten before, such as duck. Although he wasn't an actual vegetarian, on a daily basis the label was the best way to get fed what he wanted to eat.
In some ways, this is the way I use the label vegan. You see, in my ethical framework, the dairy and egg industries contribute to too much animal suffering, environmental damage, and water waste to make me feel comfortable eating them. If I had a private chef, I would be vegan all the live-long day. Yet while I try to be an ethical being, I am only willing to put up with so much inconvenience before I say screw it and chow down on airplane ravioli. Most of the time this can be avoided with planning (bringing snacks on the plane) or minor sacrifice (skipping dessert). However, sometimes it can't, and sometimes I just really want that free cookie.
So I describe myself as vegan mostly because it is the best way to get what I plan to eat. I'm a strict vegetarian, I'd gag if I tried to eat an omelet, and I need soy milk for my coffee, please. But I'm not pure. I guess the best way to describe it is I cheat, but only sometimes, and only with some things (or on vacation).
That being said, I am starting to wonder whether the day to day sacrifice is becoming more of a headache than it is worth. I have taken to going to special sources to get those things that I crave, and are hard to find vegan. Cookies. Doughnuts. Macaroons. Cupcakes. Sweet, non-bitter chocolate. I had made a habit of special-ordering these things, or eating them only while I was near a special shop in Manhattan.
But, quelle beast, they're expensive. Vegan Cuts offers are often $20 for six cookies, or a small chocolate selection. And more often than not they're gluten-free, raw, sugar-free, soy-free, taste-free. I get that we all should be eating healthier, but why have so many vegan companies adopted the idea that every last vegan is some precious, allergy-ridden health freak? I don't need maca in my chocolate, I don't need superfoods in my cookie. I just want a cookie, made as delicious as possible without crossing my ethical boundaries. Not everything I eat has to be crazy good for me. I'll get that in my smoothies, in my tofu scramble. If I am having a piece of chocolate, it's a rare treat, not sustinence.
Not only does this result in veganism being more expensive and less tasty, but it makes me feel like I'm the only vegan on the planet who doesn't follow every last health fad. If some celebrity in Hollywood is talking about her latest gluten-free kick, suddenly my favorite wheat-based cookie is being discontinued. Vague talks about soy mimicking estrogen? There goes my favorite soy ice cream from the local shelves (thank god coconut milk ice cream is actually tasty).
So not only is it less convenient to be a vegan, but I'm starting to really hate anything and everything involved in the vegan food industry. It's a cause for constant frustration every time I shop. It seems a silly reason to ponder giving up on veganism, but all this stress can't be healthy. Right?
I know I won't start pouring milk over my morning cereal or chomping down on Hagen-Daz anytime soon. Those substitutes are sold at my corner market, affordable and delicious. Ditto with sour cream, cream cheese, butter, yoghurt, and anything made at home with cheddar and mozzarella. But what to do about those occasional sweets I crave? Intellectually I know I can just do without, but when that crave strikes, there I go searching again for a vegan alternative. And there I go again stuck in the midst of health freaks and faddists. And so the cycle continues. . .
What should I do? Keep in mind that I'm unlikely to change my mind about the basic ethics, unless you've done even more research than I have about the egg and dairy industries, and have miraculous new information about them.
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